Monthly Archives: December 2011

Why is Santa Fat?

This is something I’ve been pondering for a while.

You’d think Santa would be portrayed as thin and muscular since he has to run around on every roof top in the world, climb down and up millions of chimneys carrying heavy sacks of stuff, all accomplished in under 24 hours.

What Santa must achieve every year is a physical fitness feat that has no equal.

So, given Santa’s feats of aerobic and anaerobic prowess, why is jolly St. Nick portrayed as a porker? I have my ideas…

Way back when, everyone knew that carbs made you fat. Grandma knew it, doctors knew it, the whole world knew it. If you were packing on the LBS, you’d skip the strudel, nix the nog and avoid every other desert imaginable. They don’t call it a beer belly for nuthin’.

Think of how high Santa’s blood sugar and insulin levels must be after eating, I don’t know, 77 million cookies and 77 million glasses of milk (give or take a few million). And these days well-meaning moms and dads are probably serving Santa skim milk and Snackwells upping the sugar ante to levels that would put Hostess to shame.

We know obesity can be deadly, or should I say, the health complications that usually come along with obesity can be deadly and debilitating. So if we really love Santa, I propose we swap the evening milk and cookies we serve to him on Christmas Eve for steak and salad. Or maybe a little homemade jerky. After all, Santa needs his protein.

And if St. Nick gets any fatter, no one is going to get any presents even if they have been good little boys and girls!

Just sayin’…

Eating Razor Blades

Not a very good idea right? I agree. So then, why do so many people eat them?

Allow me to explain.

When I talk to clients about diet, without question fat loss is the most sought after goal. But that’s not my goal for them – not exactly. My primary goal for clients is to make them healthier. And as they become healthier, they lose fat.

Of course, my idea of a healthy diet and their idea of a healthy diet is usually quite different. And no, it does follow that since every person is different, each person needs a different diet. Most of us are pretty darn similar (human) and while there are some differences caused by allergies, illnesses, pregnancy, etc., they are few.

People often confuse dietary differences with personal dietary preferences. A horse of an entirely different color.

Eating a truly healthy diet is one of the most difficult issues to discuss with people. Explaining to them that the foods they think are health foods are, in reality, junk foods (in many cases not even food at all) can raise their ire. Many of these “foods” (e.g., bagels, bread, cereal, soy burgers) are doing them great intestinal harm without them even knowing it. Dr. Bill Davis’ book Wheat Belly explains this in great detail.

It is a challenge indeed to get people moving on the right track – especially when the foods they shouldn’t eat are usually addictive. Science is not very persuasive when your favorite morning muffin is under full frontal attack and you are addicted to it! Powerful metaphors are usually required to get through the massive brain washing that has been perpetrated upon virtually every person when it comes to what foods are healthy and which are not. It can sometimes make you go batty.

Don’t Eat Razor Blades
This is easy enough to convince people about. But when it comes to the foods that slice holes in your gut wall, it’s another thing entirely. So I often use the razor blade metaphor to explain to people how important it is not to eat grain-based foods as the antinutrients within them behave in similar ways to having razor blades in their bellies.

Fat loss should be about and come about in your quest for health. My challenge to all of you is to remove the razor blades from your diet (grains) for the next 60 days and see how you feel. 60 days. That’s the blink of an eye – a mere instant in the scheme of things.

For once I agree with Nike – Just do it!

The Power Plate – Old Nonsense Reborn

Back in the old days, a weight/cellulite removal device hit the market claiming to jiggle the fat right off of you.

Of course, it was just a load of marketing nonsense no different than so many other baloney devices that hit the infomercial sphere every day. If it were true, chewing gum would make your face thin.

A fairly new device called the Power Plate is making its creators millions. Hundreds of people swear by the thing, claiming all kinds of varied results from it. Unfortunately, the device is entering the realm of professional sports too.

From a web blog called Fitness Equipment Archives:

As fans turn to the U.S. Open to watch world-class tennis played by the most elite players in the world, the players themselves turn to Power Plate to give them the competitive edge. According to Serena Williams, the reigning U.S., Australian and Wimbledon champion, and the favored choice to win the U.S. Open women’s singles title, “Off court training is as important to me as on court. With the Power Plate, I’m able to accelerate my off court training and maximize the benefits.”

Is this a paid endorsement? I couldn’t find out.

Let’s do a side by side comparison of the two “different” machines so we can get a really close look at what we are dealing with here.


So, one wiggles you from the top, the other jiggles you from the bottom. Same deal. Same device. Same B.S.

The Power Plate, they claim, flings the fat off you, strengthens muscles, makes bones denser, improves circulation, etc. Take a look at the bottom of the link for the scientific minds that endorse it. (Oh, c’mon. I kid those gals.)

But the device itself isn’t what is providing the meager benefits, if any, that one experiences. The fact that you have to hold on to the thing for dear life lest you be tossed to the pavement is what’s doing the trick. After the first time I used it as instructed (feet together in a semi squat position), my crotch chaffed so badly I needed to apply Aquaphor Extreme to my inner thighs for nearly week.

What will we fall for next?

Now, if she were on it, I’d believe! (Oh, c’mon, you know I had to!)

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