Smoking Causes Insanity
Screw science. It’s true.
From August 3rd till the 21st of this year, my family and I vacationed in Greece (All photos courtesy of Fred Hahn and his new Cannon SD450).
Beautiful countrysides.
Crystal waters.
Romantic sunsets.
The people are generous, love children, cook their scrumptious potatoes in organic olive oil 
and drive worse than Bostonians.
I had a blast.
Except for one thing – the smoking.
It all started at the airport. As I deplaned and emerged from the gangway, all a-smile with new world excitement, I was hit with a unique stench of stale, grade 4 tobacco and bad breath. Violently waving it away as though it was anthrax but only making it worse, I looked ahead and saw them all – the smokers.
They were everywhere. Puffing, huffing, lighting, hacking. I swear I could see the emphysema in the air. Where was my leaf blower? Had I packed it?
Sadly I had not. Off we went unarmed and alveoli rich into the land of the de-lunged. Where was the AHA when you needed them?
The most insane thing of all however is that, for all the love Greek people openly showed children, the gentle and loving pats on the head, the tweaking of their cheeks and the adoring stroking of their hair, they blew clouds of nicotine right up their noses. All with a light brown smile.
Insane. "It’s insane!" I blurted out to my gorgeous wife as my scrumptious grilled octopus
slowly began to taste like a squashed butt. "I mean what the #$%^*?
Clearly there is no word in Greek for cancer or lung disease. Clearly There is no Greek Heart Association.
Suddenly a thought occurred "Could the Mediterranean Diet be a cure for cancer? These people should be dropping like flies!"
Another nice thing about Greece – hardly any insects. Some, but comparatively few. Nary a bee or a mosquito came our way.
"Could it be the smoking?" I again pondered. I mean, how could an insect survive given the amount of tar and carbon monoxide in the Grecian atmosphere?
Come to think of it, there weren’t that many birds either.
Life is all Yin and Yang I suppose.
Someone (an ex-friend I think) once said to me "It’s their habit and they are entitled."
Are they now?
At another fine Greek restaurant in Milos, leaning back in my chair at a 120 degree angle to escape a large gust of someones dying lung contents, I thought "I wonder what would happen if I took up a restaurant habit like spraying a water pistol into the air at random intervals, here, there and everywhere?
Sometimes the water would land on nearby tables, on peoples heads, in their food, douse their cigarettes?"
As people glared and complained I’d calmly say "Oh – does it bother you? So sorry. It’s just one of my many habits. I like it and I’m entitled to it." I could even say it’s perfectly harmless – something smokers cannot claim.
I love daydreaming.
So when you go to Greece, and I suggest you do, bring that leaf blower as your carry on and crank the setting to "October."
